The Head First Only Guide to Coach Travel
So, you've booked yourself a skiing holiday, and you've realised that you've got the prospect of a long coach trip ahead of you. A very, very long coach trip ahead of you. What are you going to do about it?
Relax, for here in the HFO, we've been through it all before. We know the do's and don'ts. We've seen some pretty grisly sights in our time, but we came through it all to bring you the advice presented here today. We're just too good to you people...
We'll put it bluntly: long distance coach travel is no fun at all, and the HFO are convinced that nothing whatsoever (apart from some exceptionally powerful sedatives or other strong drugs) could make it an enjoyable experience. As we've said elsewhere, you need at least a basic level of fitness to go on a skiing holiday, and the first place that could become apparent is when you're forced to sit in a cramped seat for a couple of hours. Make sure you're up to it.
So long as you accept this, and you're prepared, then you'll be OK. Making lists can help you if, like us, you're not particularly organised. Make sure you have everything you need, that your passort is up to date and that you've got it with you, and that you can cope with the process of carting all your luggage with you and getting it on the bus.
Most direct coach travel to European ski resorts involves an overnight trip, so make sure you're wearing something you're comfortable falling asleep in. Have something warm you can wear as well - your body temperature will drop once you nod off. I can recommend getting one of the shaped travel pillows you see advertised in the papers. I've had one for a while and I actually manage to sleep during journeys these days. Pillows are usually either inflatable or filled with buckwheat husks. I prefer the buckwheat type as they don't deflate! They'll stop your head lolling about and give your neck some support.
Most of your luggage will be in the hold, so have a small bag you can take with you on board to keep your essentials in. Most coaches don't exactly go overboard on the amount of luggage space available, so keep what you take down to the minimum you can survive with.
You're going to say this sounds stupid, but believe me it happens. Before you hand it over for the driver to put in the hold, make sure you know what your luggage looks like. You need to be able to identify it when you get to the resort, and you're going to look pretty stupid if you end up with someone else's stuff. Label it clearly, and put some form of identifying item on it that'll let you spot it quickly.
Whether you're on a transfer coach from the airport or you're doing the whole trip from scratch, by the time you actually get your seat on the coach all you're likely to want to do is fall asleep. Now's the time to dig out that travel pillow.
There's not a lot that can be said about coach trips, as they are in general mind-numbingly boring. Staring vacantly out of the window usually ends up as the order of the day. It's amazing what you see during these trips: travelling through Albertville in 1992 there was a flying saucer parked on top of one building. A poster nearby was promoting a conference on "les OVNI" - the French term for UFOs - so I suppose the building was the proposed venue. On another occasion, the coach I was on was overtaken by a DeLorean sportscar, complete with an "OUTTATIME" license plate, just like Christopher Lloyd's car in Back to the Future.
Although you're likely to make regular stops, you might want to have some food and drinks with you in case you get a bit peckish. This is particularly useful if you encounter some of the phenomenal traffic jams which I've seen on French roads in the last few years. I highly recommend small cartons of fruit drink and the occasional "Tracker" bar.
A word of advice - don't get drunk during a coach trip. Not only can it end up being unpleasant for you, it can be a nightmare for the people you're travelling with. It can have unforeseen consequences, too: one member of the HFO was on a coach trip where the driver got so fed up waiting for two drunk members of the coach party to return to the bus after a rest stop that after an hour he left them there - in a service station in France. I bet they sobered up quickly when they realised what had happened.
Be careful when you step of the coach. A few years ago I travelled to Val Thorens in a party of two coaches. When we arrived at the hotel, a girl on the other coach stepped out - straight on to some ice, broke her leg, and spent the entire holiday in plaster.
Make sure you pick up all your belongings and take them with you. Don't leave anything on the coach. Make sure you collect your luggage out of the hold and not someone else's.
It's a sad thing to say, but there seem to be thieves everywhere. Don't leave your luggage unattended for a moment, even if it's just lying next to the coach while you check in to the hotel. If you're travelling in a group, make sure someone's looking after your stuff.
But, most importantly of all at this point: Have a great holiday!